Sorry, sorry, sorry

I'm rubbish.  Forgive me.  If you don't like grace then don't bother reading this blog because I'm going to require a lot of it.

I'm also knackered and have got an interview with the press tomorrow (yes, really) so best be off.  They want to know all about what I've been doing when I was too busy to blog... got fed up of waiting for me to post I suppose. 

To whet appetites, here's a not very up-to-date picture of... My... New... Shop. 

 

 

It looks less pink now it's dried and has a sign and some things to go out the front to make it slightly less grim.  I particularly like the way the painters were absolutely coincidentally totally co-ordinated with each other and the building.

Anyway.  I AM TIRED.  Good Night.

P.S.  Before you ask, yes I am incredibly proud of myself actually.  We got it together in 2.5 weeks and everyone has been amazingly (power of community) helpful but, let's face it, wouldn't have happened without me.  And we've made back everything spent on set-up in 3 days so it's all profit since last Weds.  And God Is Amazing for doing all that. 

P.P.S. God also makes blind people see and sets the captives free.. but more on that another time! 

X

In't that lovely?

So, before I begin, I better apologise for missing the first Tuesday blog post that I said I was going to do.  In my defense, I was just being an idiot.  On Monday I remembered that I was going to blog tomorrow and was quite looking forward to it, and then today (which in my head is Wednesday as I'm just heading to bed now) I was like "oh ok, I'll blog today... hang on a second, where's Tuesday gone to?!"

Tuesday was, incidentally, an awesome day, but when I tried to write about it just now it sounded boring so I stopped. Instead I'll just tell you something funny I heard this evening...

In our house we have a lovely friend who comes round for dinner every other week, I'm going to call him Little Dave but that isn't his real name. He's in his early 50's, with some kind of learning difficulty, and we love having him round because he takes such delight in everything.  Now, last week a few of us went round to his for a visit and he'd done us lunch, including an apple pie bought from Tesco. For those of you who don't know, Tesco are a massive, über-cheap, supermarket that is gradually taking over the world - when I flew to Budapest once the first thing I saw out the window before landing was their smug luminous sign, acting as a dismal reminder of all that is wrong with globalisation.

There's a bit of history to this. I live in a part of Bristol called Stokes Croft, which is a sort of artsy pretentious urban ghetto with a lot of issues but also a lot of people wanting to see change.  Community is really important to folk around here and there is an organisation called the 'People's Republic of Stokes Croft' (or the prsc - see the website(link) if you like) that are a big part of promoting that, partly through activism.  They also coordinate a lot of graffiti in the area. Lately the main campaign has been against a Tesco that was granted planning permission, and a while ago we agreed to have this image put up on the side of our house, in plain view of the main street:

I find the man a bit scary, but it's cool to be able to tell people where you live by identifying the patent political agenda on the side of your building. [As an aside: something I've just noticed is the way the traffic light is on amber... you don't know if it's about to go red or green - stop or go - like the verdict on the appeal.]

So anyway, back to the story.  Little Dave last week was so chuffed with his £1 apple pie that he declared he would write a thank-you letter to Tesco; and today we found out that he did! However, the key bit was when we asked what they said in reply and he said "they send their regards", meaning to us!

Probably sounds a bit stupid to anyone else, but the idea of Tesco sending best wishes to a household of people who are, at least as far as visual impressions go, the most anti-Tesco people in the whole of Bristol (nay the world) really made me chuckle.  It's also quite lovely - as Dave would say - to think that in the middle of all the angst we could potentially see a little bit of good in Tesco.  I'm not much persuaded in actuality, but there are people behind the power and Dave's innocence has brought me a little revelation that even public enemy number ones need to be loved. 

Kinda reminds me of the story about my friend who, when she was 11, tried to send Osama Bin Laden a birthday card.

The struggle is not against flesh and blood...

Country Mouse in the Big City

This afternoon I found myself looking after a homeless drunk man who sort of, in a not-very-violent but quite insistent way, forced himself into our house. Only as far as the front hall floor and it was very cold outside - to be honest I'm still not fully convinced by the theory that we need to not bring people in (ok, one time we brought a street friend in and he sort of ended up getting a kitchen knife out the drawer and threatening to kill himself and/or our housemate, but there was a very particular situation going on and we did learn that kitchens are a bad place for desperate people). We set boundaries but we like to look after people in need; our house (which we've only lived in since April) actually has a 25 year history of having been an ecumenical community run by Catholic monks, so it's a good thing we're up for taking on the tradition when waifs and strays knock. It was quite a special moment really, once we were over the surprise, and I got to pray with him.  As he started talking about his past it became clear that he'd ended up in that state because a lot of not very nice stuff had happened to him, and those early experiences led to a total crisis that has entirely consumed his destiny... really and truly only Jesus can give him any hope because it's the sort of damage that just won't repair itself. 

Then this evening I was talking to a new housemate who moved in today (and whose first experience of our community was the chap above). She said, and I quote, that "nothing bad has ever happened to me".  She then proceeded to come up with a list of: tonsillitis, conjunctivitis and a £90 phone bill.  Quick, better hide the bottles.

I don't really have a point, just observing the life that is going on around me.  Most of us fall somewhere in between those two extremes and are at different levels of escapist and naïve.  It'll be quite interesting to watch how she fits in here, fresh from her seaside Devonshire town; I'm sure she will but I've never before met anyone as happy-go-lucky as her, and Stokes Croft is certainly not short of it's painful histories.  Hmmmmmmm... 

I just wanted to make jam

Two months ago I applied to what seemed like the perfect job tutoring in St Petersburg.  Having spent a month in the summer there, and feeling like it hadn't quite been the complete experience, I felt quite sure I was supposed to go back.  I've got a bit of a thing for Russia and have lots of friends there. As I became convinced that it was inevitable, I simultaneously wanted to escape life in Bristol and yet was also in panic that it was too much at the wrong time.  Did I really want to embrace a life that was effectively being an overseas missionary?  No, not really.  As I told most people at the time: "I just wanted to make jam".  Y'know, be a home-maker in my little community and perhaps set up a W.I.

And now I have.  Stayed home and made jam that is.

Here's the recipe I used the other week when I made around 3 litres of the stuff with some of those bramley seedlings:

http://www.cookitsimply.com/recipe-0010-032r58.html

I was a bit wary, having never done anything like that before or having a clue about even the basics of jam making.  Fortunately it's easy with apples as they are high in pectin. As far as tips go - instead of muslin bags I wrapped it in a jay cloth; my advice would be not to do that. If you want to do it yourself then I suggest roping someone else in (thanks Adale) to help peel core and dice absolutely loads of apples.  I tried doing one each of the cinnamon and ginger and, though I like both flavours, in my opinions the ginger wins hands down.  I would also recommend ensuring that you have jam jars before you commence... else you'll end up with 3+ litres of jam and no idea what to do with them.  Hence:

Giant jam. In vases.

There was more but we put that in dozens of those tiny ramekins that you always end up keeping and don't know what to do with.

Well that's it from me this Thurs/Fri.  I'll hopefully be making some more soon, for a fun little venture I got going on, but I'll have to c u next Tuesday for that installment...

x

I should really do this once a week

I'm hit by a total desire to get my life in order... because out of discipline comes freedom.  It's the whole thing about practising your scales means you can eventually improvise some really funky jazz piano. I have some really big vision for life and if I don't sort out the boring details then how do I expect to see them fulfilled?  

Technically I got diagnosed with adult ADHD about a year and a half ago. I might talk about that more another time; how it makes me feel, what I think of the whole concept and the general affect that having it (and knowing about having it) has on my existence.  However, for now let me paraphrase: I struggle somewhat with organisation. I am also a *bit* vulnerable to depression and that can seriously knock me sideways if I'm not vigilant.

So it comes as no real surprise to me that after the major success of my week a couple of weeks ago (see last post) I have not actually kept up that pace.  Or even done so much as make a loaf of bread since. In fact, despite my declaration that I don't care about coming across as boastful because I don't like false humility, I only just uploaded that entry and am now following it with this disclaimer.  Sometimes I guess I just don't trust my opinions enough to share them with the world.

However, I do really want to write this blog; and one day I'd like to produce at least two books on subjects close to my heart; and generally I just want to get myself together enough to be a functioning person who can actually hold down a job and everything.  

So to help that along I'm setting a bit of a target for myself that I will write a proper post at least once a week; I figure it'll be both a means and an end in itself.   Let's say this will happen on a... diary's out... well might as well make it a Tuesday. Gives the geeks something to read inbetween xkcd (link).  I may even extend it to Thursdays too, but the BBC taught me a lot about taking on things that are bitesized.

I'll leave on a note of mathematical interest that I am thoroughly excited about right now but don't have the wherewithal to discuss properly. Perhaps next time but for now check out Mandelbrot and infer cool stuff from this article:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-11564766

And a picture...

(from http://www.fractalartcontests.com/2007/showentry.php?entryid=282&return=winners)


Well that's all folks. Technically it's a little bit Wednesday now but I think that's ok.  Tune in next time for some actual content...

Not that I'm boasting or anything.

Well this is clearly not going to be one of those blogs where I write about every tiny detail of what I do and make at least 3 entries a day... shame that, because life has been immense.

Busyness - it is most definitely something that defines me.  This can be a super bad thing when it correlates with the wrong attitude towards effort and achievement, but at the same time I can also just be very interesting and productive.  This week was the sort that makes me think I am one of the most brilliant people alive.

Of course, ego's not so attractive.  HOWEVER, I've been reminded recently that it is OK - nay GREAT - to be self-loving, self-promoting and generally self-interested because, as the ads would tell us, we're worth it.  I'm not the only brilliant person but by Jove I'm up there.  One of the first things you learn as a Christian about society is that the people are self-centred, superficial and think they're worthy by their own merits.  One of the things you go on to learn about church is that the people are self-deprecating, falsely humble and think they're not worth anything at all.

Sure I'm stereotyping in all sorts of directions but, as with all caricatures, there's at least a grain of truth there.

[If you want any bible to pin this on then check out where John calls himself the disciple that Jesus loves. John 13:23 is just one example.  Did John have an ego?  Did Jesus have favourites?  Nah - John just realised how God saw him and it totally changed his world view.]

I'm not saying I've got it all grasped... been having an interesting time of faith crisis and general diffidence... but as I work out my head and my heart, and let my thoughts and actions be more and less "Christian", I have noticed that my walk has often taken me into a territory that isn't the rebellion I thought it was.  Like, perhaps, something in me wasn't happy with the way I was doing life and when I finally gave up trying I realised that it wasn't God's idea to be like that in the first place.  The rest of the time I'm just really "getting" grace.

Sometimes we become like Christians faster that we become like Christ.  I say "we",  obviously if your Becca you don't :P

All that to say I'm f*cking amazing:

This week I've made three loaves of bread, plus taught a housemate how to; had a deep kitchen sort out; brewed approx 3 litres of apple jam (one ginger, one cinammon); baked spiced apple cake; created another kind of apple cake by my own recipe (just came out the oven - amazing); cooked dinner without even flinching at what to do; organised a Sunday roast... Besides which I've been hosting, helping and supporting a variety of nutjobs (and friends!) that have wondered into my world amidst these events. And on top of all that I presented a business proposal for my charity shop, did a bit more market research, some networking and came up with a brilliant launch idea. There's more but I don't want to boast.

The dream is becoming reality.

I mostly remark upon all this because it is still a shock. See I'm also the person that could lost a week to  bed, cheese and box sets.  I mean sure most days I took those lovely yellow pills that are fantastically full of amphetamines; and no doubt I'm a risk of pride coming before a fall, despite my thoroughly well grounded theology; not to mention I'm only just starting out and there could yet be a  fat juicy maggot... but still, if I can do that I wonder if I can't do anything.  Eurovision watch out...

Better stop writing before this becomes too long a post.  Following soon(ish) will be the aforementioned recipes but I've got weddings and safaris to think about. Lataz, 

Mwah! X

What do you mean 'there's a maggot in your apple'?

I designated today as a "day of rest" and, as such, decided that it was perfectly acceptable to achieve nothing.  It's my new rule - I've realised that the most restful thing I can do is have no expectation on myself.  Well, after a lazy start, I found myself in the kitchen faced with 3 carrier bags full of apples that were begging to be attended to.  But it was "no-pressure" Sunday, so I felt I could act out of choice and not obligation - another discovery I've made is that I'm most productive when I'm resting.  I do love a good bit of oxymoron.

Now there is a bit of background to this story. Firstly - and I"ll elaborate at a later date - I have decided that part of my current mission in life is to become a "home-maker".  This is especially ironic if you knew me a couple of years ago and even now still quite a comedy concept, though I can at least bake bread these days. 

The second relevant bit of history is that I went to a friend's for lunch on Wednesday and she had all kinds of fabulous things set up for processing apples from her tree.  This included a muslin bag dripping into a bucket that was, by some sort of magic, making apple jelly.  I went to bed that night wishing that I had apples with which to do such wonderfully homely things.  My own mother had brought me some a while back but the best I could do was stew them in a last minute panic, then eat them just before they went off.

And then the very next morning one of my housemates offered me three bags full, as a gift from his grandparents orchard! What a fabulous opportunity.  Unfortunately, I now have to start putting my expressed desires into action... always where the plan falls down I find.  

Today, however, I made some progress. Out came the laptop and after googling for but a short while I found my three varieties:

http://www.orangepippin.com/apples/coxs-orange-pippin

http://www.orangepippin.com/apples/charles-ross

http://www.orangepippin.com/apples/bramley

Good for eating, or cooking, or both.  What a win!   

Of course, doing something as interesting as this made me decide once and for all that I had to get my new blog started - so I could share it with you lovely people.  So I spent an age faffing with name ideas, background motifs and generally all sorts of time-wasting that only befits a day off.  This means that I still don't quite know what to do with my pommes... but I have got an interesting fact:

"Apples, quinces, pears, peaches, plums, apricots, cherries, blackberries, 
raspberries and strawberries -- whether wild or cultivated -- are all 
relatives of the roses."

 

Isn't that fascinating?!

So what's with the url?  Well, 'communikate.etc' was taken and I didn't really know what to do about that: torn between finding a new name entirely and just having a different web address. I'd temporarily given up when another of my housemates - to whom I'd extolled the merits of the coxes - came back downstairs to share his rather unpleasant surprise with me... Nice.

Now I'm not being pessimistic but "maggots" do seem to get everywhere, don't they? It's just fact that the world ain't perfect yet. You know what though, I find that actually it is alright, when I have the right perspective. I mean, shit happens - sometimes you get a maggot, sometimes you get half  of one - but the apple is bigger and juicier and you can always spit the little buggers out...

Before we begin: a brief history

It's time to start blogging again.

My first ever post on my first ever blog was written a day shy of 2 years and 5 months ago.  I very quickly discovered that I loved to write and that, actually, I was quite good at it sometimes; and so began a new relationship with the rest of the world (or rather my little listening corner of the internet).

In some respect I long for those early heydays.  I was a different person then: a gobbier, bolder, more wrong and more right person. Not my worst persona by any means but I know it didn't quite work - like an alchy ruins a fine glass of wine by having the whole bottle... for breakfast.

So - in the classic melodrama of self-discovery - I quit for a time, and when I came back it wasn't the same.  I got a new blog with a "theme" and, don't get me wrong I loved it, but there's a lot you can't say when you're limited to analogies.  It was probably a good thing too, not saying a lot, there is definitely a place in life for internal processing.  That blogging era didn't even end intentionally, it just got over-taken by my real life - the one where I graduated, got a "proper" job (with a blackberry and everything) and spent every working hour trying to make the impossible possible until I burnt out. Then I didn't really process at all. 

Dampened oscillation around a point (like a pendulum swing that gradually loses height, then settles in the middle) tends to be how I find my way, both on and off line. I'm not claiming to be there yet, not sure anyone ever is but I rather think it might be time to go back the other way and start talking about me again... why not, eh?  I'm pretty damn interesting actually.

So, to whet your appetite, I reckon that some of the things I'll be chatting about are:

Living in community in "da ghetto", starting a charity shop, being a home-maker, being a Woman, faith and lack thereof, new monasticism (maybe), stuff I write, revival, maths, music, things I've learned, stuff what makes me laugh, recipes, stories, prophecy... and anything else I decide to.

Well I better get going then hadn't I.  Let's see if Kat(i)e's still got it...